my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
COCAINE IS GR8
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
