I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Enjoy the penises
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
