My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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