I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Randomize
