p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
i think i just lost a toe
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
