Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
