The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
