2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
