I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
