I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
