I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
