I need to stop coming to work sober
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
