JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
