Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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