In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
