I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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