So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
