just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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