The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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