Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
