tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
