woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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