Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize