Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
