I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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