I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
