Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
