When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My vagina just clenched in fear
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
