Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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