I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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