how can u be prego again
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
There r osticjed everywhere
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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