good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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