so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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