Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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