There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
