Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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