I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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