Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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