in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I love you. Go after that dick
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
