I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
