for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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