Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
