Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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