Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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