whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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