Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Randomize
