The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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