chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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