Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I will pee on everything he values.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
