U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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