I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just saw a hot homeless man
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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