So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
