guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
