Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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