I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
