Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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