I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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