Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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