There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
