so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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