Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
