just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
