She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I can't turn off my feet"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
