If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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