I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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