But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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