I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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