I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
