I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
