I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
