So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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