I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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