While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
