Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
