So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
