Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
