If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
