there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
either way he was missing a nipple.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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